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What is wrong with this letter? GRAMMAR EXERCISE
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Steve McCrea
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By Steve McCrea
Published on 05/12/2010
 
I received this letter from Sammy.  What is wrong with it?

What is wrong with this letter?

We received this letter.  What is wrong with it? 

Send your comments to
TLASteve@gmail.com

=======================================  


Confidence Trust and Honest

From the desk of Mr Sami Adama Ibrahim
Bill and exchange manager
Coris Bank International
Ouagadougou Burkina Faso
Telephone number 00226 7859 4313

Dear friend,

I crave your indulgence for the unsolicited nature of this letter, but it was borne out of desperation and current development. Please bear with me. My name is Mr Sami Adama Ibrahim an auditor of Coris Bank International I discovered existing dormant account for 5years.

When I discovered that there had been neither continuation nor withdrawals from this account for this long period and our banking laws stipulates that any unserviceable account for more than 5years will go into the bank revenue as an unclaimed fund.

I have made personal inquiries about the depositor and his next of kin but sadly, the depositor and his next of kin died on their way to Senegal for business tycoon, and he left no body behind for this claim I only made this investigation just to be double sure of this fact and since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives.

I seek your consent to present yourself as the next of kin of the deceased. as an auditor in the bank I will use my position in the bank to help you becoming the next of kin to the estate, so that the proceeds of this account valued at  $9.5million dollars can be transferred to you, this is the story in a nutshell.

Now I want an account over seas where the bank will transfer this fund. Thereafter, I will come for the sharing and investment, also to use part of the money to help the Orphanage around your country and the world in particular, it is careful network and for the past eleven months I have worked out everything to ensure a hitch-free operation.

Now my questions are:-
1. Can you handle this project?.......
2. Can I give you this trust?.......

If yes, call me and send to me your personal information as below:
Your name…………
Your address………………

Your country……………..
Your occupation………………
Your age…………
Telephone number………
This information is necessary, consider this and get back to me as soon as possible, all what I require is your honest co-operation to enable us see this deal through, I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law, please get in touch with me by my e-mail to enable me outline to you the strategies on how to go about this.


finally, it is my humble prayer that the information as contained herein be accorded the necessary attention, urgency as well as the secrecy it deserves; also send to me your personal information, to enable me send to you official letter of demand that you will fill in your name and send to the bank.


I expect you're urgent response and call, if you can handle this project, through my private- mail: (
bonwpw@yahoo.com).

This message is respectfully yours, 

Mr Sami Adama Ibrahim
Telephone: 00226 7859 4313

 ===============  



If you find errors, tell me.   








======================================= 




CORRECTIONS (BELOW)


Confidence Trust and Honest

From the desk of Mr Sami Adama Ibrahim
Bill and exchange manager
Coris Bank International
Ouagadougou Burkina Faso
Telephone number 00226 7859 4313

Dear friend,

I crave your indulgence for the unsolicited nature of this letter, but it was borne out of desperation and current developmentS. Please bear with me. My name is Mr Sami Adama Ibrahim, an auditor of Coris Bank International.   I discovered existing dormant account for 5years.

When I discovered that there had been neither continuation nor withdrawals from this account for this long period and our banking laws stipulates that any unserviceable account for more than 5years will go into the bank revenue as an unclaimed fund.

I have made personal inquiries about the depositor and his next of kin but sadly, the depositor and his next of kin died on their way to Senegalto meet a business tycoon, and he left no body behind for this claim.    I only made this investigation just to be double sure of this fact and since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives.

I seek your consent to present yourself as the next of kin of the deceased. as an auditor in the bank I will use my position in the bank to help you becoming the next of kin to the estate, so that the proceeds of this account valued at  $9.5million dollars can be transferred to you  -- this is the story in a nutshell.

Now I want an account overseas where the bank will transfer this fund. Thereafter, I will come for the sharing and investment, also to use part of the money to help the Orphanage around your country and the world in particular, it is careful network and for the past eleven months I have worked out everything to ensure a hitch-free operation.

Now my questions are:-
1. Can you handle this project?.......
2. Can I give you this trust?.......      <<<  Can I trust you?

If yes, call me and send to me your personal information as below:
Your name…………
Your address………………

Your country……………..
Your occupation………………
Your age…………
Telephone number………
This information is necessary, consider this and get back to me as soon as possible, all what I require is your honest co-operation to enable us see this deal through, I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law, please get in touch with me by my e-mail to enable me outline to you the strategies on how to go about this.


finally, it is my humble prayer that the information as contained herein be accorded the necessary attention, urgency as well as the secrecy it deserves; also send to me your personal information, to enable me to send to you  an official letter of demand that you will fill in    ////  your name //// and send to the bank.


I expect you're urgent response and call, if you can handle this project, through my private- mail: (
bonwpw@yahoo.com).

This message is respectfully yours, 




Mr Sami Adama Ibrahim
Telephone: 00226 7859 4313

 


What is wrong with this letter?

We received this letter.  What is wrong with it? 

Send your comments to
TLASteve@gmail.com

=======================================  


Confidence Trust and Honest

From the desk of Mr Sami Adama Ibrahim
Bill and exchange manager
Coris Bank International
Ouagadougou Burkina Faso
Telephone number 00226 7859 4313

Dear friend,

I crave your indulgence for the unsolicited nature of this letter, but it was borne out of desperation and current development. Please bear with me. My name is Mr Sami Adama Ibrahim an auditor of Coris Bank International I discovered existing dormant account for 5years.

When I discovered that there had been neither continuation nor withdrawals from this account for this long period and our banking laws stipulates that any unserviceable account for more than 5years will go into the bank revenue as an unclaimed fund.

I have made personal inquiries about the depositor and his next of kin but sadly, the depositor and his next of kin died on their way to Senegal for business tycoon, and he left no body behind for this claim I only made this investigation just to be double sure of this fact and since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives.

I seek your consent to present yourself as the next of kin of the deceased. as an auditor in the bank I will use my position in the bank to help you becoming the next of kin to the estate, so that the proceeds of this account valued at  $9.5million dollars can be transferred to you, this is the story in a nutshell.

Now I want an account over seas where the bank will transfer this fund. Thereafter, I will come for the sharing and investment, also to use part of the money to help the Orphanage around your country and the world in particular, it is careful network and for the past eleven months I have worked out everything to ensure a hitch-free operation.

Now my questions are:-
1. Can you handle this project?.......
2. Can I give you this trust?.......

If yes, call me and send to me your personal information as below:
Your name…………
Your address………………

Your country……………..
Your occupation………………
Your age…………
Telephone number………
This information is necessary, consider this and get back to me as soon as possible, all what I require is your honest co-operation to enable us see this deal through, I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law, please get in touch with me by my e-mail to enable me outline to you the strategies on how to go about this.


finally, it is my humble prayer that the information as contained herein be accorded the necessary attention, urgency as well as the secrecy it deserves; also send to me your personal information, to enable me send to you official letter of demand that you will fill in your name and send to the bank.


I expect you're urgent response and call, if you can handle this project, through my private- mail: (
bonwpw@yahoo.com).

This message is respectfully yours, 

Mr Sami Adama Ibrahim
Telephone: 00226 7859 4313

 ===============  



If you find errors, tell me.   








======================================= 




CORRECTIONS (BELOW)


Confidence Trust and Honest

From the desk of Mr Sami Adama Ibrahim
Bill and exchange manager
Coris Bank International
Ouagadougou Burkina Faso
Telephone number 00226 7859 4313

Dear friend,

I crave your indulgence for the unsolicited nature of this letter, but it was borne out of desperation and current developmentS. Please bear with me. My name is Mr Sami Adama Ibrahim, an auditor of Coris Bank International.   I discovered existing dormant account for 5years.

When I discovered that there had been neither continuation nor withdrawals from this account for this long period and our banking laws stipulates that any unserviceable account for more than 5years will go into the bank revenue as an unclaimed fund.

I have made personal inquiries about the depositor and his next of kin but sadly, the depositor and his next of kin died on their way to Senegalto meet a business tycoon, and he left no body behind for this claim.    I only made this investigation just to be double sure of this fact and since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives.

I seek your consent to present yourself as the next of kin of the deceased. as an auditor in the bank I will use my position in the bank to help you becoming the next of kin to the estate, so that the proceeds of this account valued at  $9.5million dollars can be transferred to you  -- this is the story in a nutshell.

Now I want an account overseas where the bank will transfer this fund. Thereafter, I will come for the sharing and investment, also to use part of the money to help the Orphanage around your country and the world in particular, it is careful network and for the past eleven months I have worked out everything to ensure a hitch-free operation.

Now my questions are:-
1. Can you handle this project?.......
2. Can I give you this trust?.......      <<<  Can I trust you?

If yes, call me and send to me your personal information as below:
Your name…………
Your address………………

Your country……………..
Your occupation………………
Your age…………
Telephone number………
This information is necessary, consider this and get back to me as soon as possible, all what I require is your honest co-operation to enable us see this deal through, I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law, please get in touch with me by my e-mail to enable me outline to you the strategies on how to go about this.


finally, it is my humble prayer that the information as contained herein be accorded the necessary attention, urgency as well as the secrecy it deserves; also send to me your personal information, to enable me to send to you  an official letter of demand that you will fill in    ////  your name //// and send to the bank.


I expect you're urgent response and call, if you can handle this project, through my private- mail: (
bonwpw@yahoo.com).

This message is respectfully yours, 




Mr Sami Adama Ibrahim
Telephone: 00226 7859 4313