“You shouldn’t worry about getting your students to like you.”

 

 

 

I once received this advice from a teacher who wanted to guide me into becoming a happier teacher:

 

“Release yourself from the notion that your students need to like you.  You can teach better if you don’t care whether or not your students like you.”

 

 

Well, what is there to say about this advice?

 

1. I’m in this business because I like meeting people.
2. I have information that might make the students happy.
3. I have methods that can make students happy.
4. My students have information that they would like to share and they would like to do something with other students and in the class.

 

 

Why do I need to get in the way of something that is natural?   The issue is usually Grammar” – a student looks at a book and says, “I hate grammar” or “I don’t want to study grammar today.”  In fact, we study grammar every time we make a correction.     At their core, most students want to improve their lives.  Most students know that a school can sometimes provide information and opportunities to improve their lives.  Why do I need to make this process difficult  by imposing a rigid curriculum or lesson plan on the student?

 

Information (language units and tips and grammar rules) is out there, like a river.   A classroom is about 30 feet from the river and many teachers take a bucket to the river, get a sample, and bring the water to the classroom.  The teacher controls the distribution of the water (the information).   This is a useful process when the students are afraid of the river or if there is too much water and the students want someone to guide them.

 

What happens if some of the students take their cameras and buckets to the river?  They can take photos and pick up some of the water and bring it to the class.  (remember, the class is near the river but not in it).

 

The students can hijack the time spent in class and ask the teacher to show them something and explain something else.

 

A funny thing happens when the teacher shares control of the bucket (which is the power of bringing information into the classroom):  the students begin to look forward to participating in the class.  They bring things to class, they interrupt (politely) the flow of the class and say, “Look what I found yesterday!”  

 

Is it harder to create a test at the end fo the week?  Is it more difficult in an open classroom to define “the curriculum”?  Yes, but it is interesting that the teacher as well as the students start to look forward to what happens.  “I don’t want to miss any classes – because I don’t know what I will miss!”

 

I have no idea what Leticia, Martin, Gabriele, Riccardo or Caty wil bring into class or say or ask.  I look forward to each class.   I ask my students “What is your dream?” and we incoroporate that dream in the classroom.   We bring in new vocabulary words that each student finds.   “So , you want to be a lawyer --  teach us 5 new words about the law.  You know these words in your language, so tomorrow bring us the translations.”   Wow.   I might not try to make my students like me, but they eventually do because I take the time to find something interesting that I can learn from them, I take time to get to know them, I take time to listen to their needs.   Yes, I like it when my students say, “I really like that teacher.”   I know why they like the classes—because I adapt the course to fit them.  Its a concept called “educating one student at a time.”  I have 13 lesson plans in the class, as well as an overarching lesson plan that everyone participates in.  

 

Perhaps I don’t try to get students to like me, but I follow the idea that Dale Carnegie proposed: 

 

 

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People

 

 

Martin Philips

Beyond Language School

-          www.beyondlanguage.com.sg

-          Singapore

 

 

 

Tips from Dale Carnegie, with comments for the ESOL classroom

 

The book has seven major sections. The core principles of each section are quoted below.

[edit]Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1.      Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.   <<<< easy

2.      Give honest and sincere appreciation.  <<<< easy

3.      Arouse in the other person an eager want.   <<<<<<<   what is your goal?

[edit]Six Ways to Make People Like You

1.     

Become genuinely interested in other people.  <<<<< that is the key.

2.      Smile.  <<<<<<< a good first step. 

3.      Remember that a man's Name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.   <<<  learn the names!

4.      Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.   <<<< what is your goal?

5.      Talk in the terms of the other man's interest.    <<<<<<<<< What is your goal and why are you learning English?

6.      Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely   <<<<  “You are my client.” 

[edit]Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1.      Avoid arguments.    <<<< easy

2.      Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never tell someone they are wrong.    <<<<   “I can see that you want to work on something else besides grammar…”

3.      If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.   <<<< easy

4.      Begin in a friendly way.   <<<< easy

5.      Start with questions the other person will answer yes to.   <<<< easy

6.      Let the other person do the talking.    <<<< reduce teacher talking time

7.      Let the other person feel the idea is his/hers.     <<<< an interesting idea…  “What would you like to do today?   Should we start with a warm up or go immediately to the exercises?”

8.      Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.    “Tell me how you would like to proceed.”  “How did you learn the phonetic alphabet.”

9.      Sympathize with the other person.

10.   Appeal to noble motives.           <<<< easy

11.   Dramatize your ideas.    <<<< easy     Let’s be visual and dynamic

12.   Throw down a challenge.   <<<< easy   “I bet there is a student who can write an essay before next week.”

[edit]Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1.      Begin with praise and honest appreciation.    <<<<   I really like teaching and I like learning from all of you.

2.      Call attention to other people's mistakes indirectly.    <<<<  “ I heard the following phrases.  Can we improve them?”

3.      Talk about your own mistakes first.   <<<< easy     “When I was learning Chinese, I always made mistakes … very simple mistakes, like…”

4.      Ask questions instead of directly giving orders.   <<<< easy  “Who wants to read the first paragraph?”

5.      Let the other person save face.                     <<<<  we don’t have to make the student “wrong”

6.      Praise every improvement.         <<<< easy

7.      Give them a fine reputation to live up to.     <<<< I ask my students to be “independent and study at your own pace.”

8.      Encourage them by making their faults seem easy to correct.    <<<< easy

9.      Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest.   <<<< easy